


Luigi x Hisoka

by Grapefruit Pussy (partyrockersinyourmom)



Series: HxH Crack Cinematic Universe [2]
Category: Hunter X Hunter, Mario - Fandom, Super Mario & Related Fandoms
Genre: Anal Sex, Crack, Crack Crossover, Crack Relationships, Dark Crack, M/M, PWP, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:16:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29600937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/partyrockersinyourmom/pseuds/Grapefruit%20Pussy
Summary: Luigi finds himself alone in the mansion, or so he thinks. His fear of sexy clowns culminates into a whirlwind romance and passionate night with a certain clown.
Relationships: Luigi/Hisoka
Series: HxH Crack Cinematic Universe [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2174772
Comments: 3
Kudos: 4





	Luigi x Hisoka

Luigi feared a lot of things. Bugs, ghosts, peeing in the middle of the night, it was all petrifying to the mustached lad. Most of all, Luigi was afraid of clowns, especially sexy ones. Professor E Gadd had left the mansion to go to a funky rave and Luigi was alone in the enormous, creaky, dark house. He adjusted his overall straps and placed his CD player in his front pocket, turning up Rick Astley’s Never Gonna Give You Up to max volume, praying that the smooth voice of the music legend would drown out his terror. He walked up the basement stairs, turned a corner, and planted his round buttcheeks on the plush red couch in the living room. The honey-colored lights flickered. All of a sudden, Luigi couldn’t see his slender gloved hand in front of his face. He tried to scream, but he was frozen to the couch. He flopped over to his side and screwed his eyes shut, not that it changed much.  
“Hello? Is there anyone in here?” A cocky voice rang out across the room. It was low and clear and sent chills down Luigi’s spine.  
“It’s-a me,” he sheepishly muttered. Realizing his mistake, he clapped his hand over his mouth, but it was too late. The intruder heard him. Hisoka licked his chapped lips.  
“Fuck, I forgot my chapstick,” he uttered with a sigh and shouted at Luigi, “Have you put on any chapstick?”  
“Uh, yeah?” the tall Italian mumbled, confused. Luigi felt a hand touch his arm, guiding it to rest around the clown’s slender waist. Hisoka smashed his lips into Luigi’s like a train colliding into a small child. Luigi made an unmanly squeaking noise as Hisoka began to lick his teeth. The lights came back on with a flash akin to having a laser shined in one’s eyes. Luigi met the amber eyes of the man he had passionately locked lips with just a second earlier and screamed.  
“Mama mia! A sexy clown! I have a fear-a boner!” The plumber looked at Hisoka, his eyes lingering a bit too long at the large bulge below the edge of his garden hose-like corset. Hisoka did the same, grabbing Luigi roughly by his overall straps.  
He whispered wantonly into his ear “Now listen to me young man, I am talking directly into your ear now. I need you to do me a favor. You will do this for me. I need you to go to the gamestop, and I need you to ask the bastard working the counter if they have Bambi on the ps2. If you come back empty handed you'll be in big trouble, mister. You will never see the light of day” With that, Luigi was ROCK hard. He put his gloved paws on Hisoka’s voluptuous man tiddies and removed his crop top. Hisoka grinned from ear to ear, sending shivers down Luigi’s spine. He began to think, Why am I about to let a clown raw me?My brother would be so disappointed. Oh sweet Jesus, I’m so sorry Mario. In his heart, Luigi didn’t want to stop, well aware of how long this night would haunt him. Still, horniness fucked all his other emotions, except fear. He and Hisoka embraced again, their clothed boners rubbing against each other, the friction sending jolts of pleasure into both of them.  
“Oh yeah, Luigi time!” He cried as his overalls fell away, leaving only his deep green shirt and heart-patterned boxers. It was Hisoka’s turn. His nails were perfectly manicured and his hands were dainty, despite his great strength. He took the utmost care in undressing, unraveling his garments on the floor. So they WERE made of garden hose!  
When only his pants remained, he ordered, “Kneel down, Luigi.” The plumber shuddered to his core at the mention of his name flowing so forcefully, yet so gracefully from the soft lips of the sexy clown. Hisoka kicked off his weird-ass clown slippers and they collided with the couch with barely a sound. He fumbled with his pants button, seemingly on purpose, to elicit an impatient whine from Luigi. It worked, and Luigi threw aside his gloves to help.  
Hisoka placed a hand on Luigi’s head, hoping to remove the hat and ruffle his dense, curly chestnut hair, but Luigi placed his hand atop Hisoka’s and asserted, “The hat stays ON during sex.” Hisoka was surprised at the timid man’s sudden confidence, which only intensified his arousal. He couldn’t NOT fuck him. Luigi’s blue eyes flashed up at Hisoka as he slipped a hand into Hisoka’s lacy women’s lingerie that he got at Spencer’s in a mall. He wore thigh high socks with a cat design and garters under his clothes.  
“Mama mia,” Luigi managed to slip out before Hisoka’s 20 foot long and 5 foot wide dick touched the back of his throat, preventing all further comments. He rocked back and forth on the living room floor, dragging his tongue agonizingly slowly across the massive length. Hisoka was brimming with delight, trying to contain his moans to no avail. He realized that the plumber wasn’t as easy to dominate as he’d thought, and that excited him even more.  
“Luigi, do you mind if I sing Ram Ranch while we bone? I think it would be an enlightening experience,” The clown managed to utter without his voice cracking, which was a feat given how close he was to filling Luigi’s maw with secretion of the same consistency of half-melted Culver’s custard. Luigi withdrew his mouth from Hisoka’s dick and began to remove his underwear.  
“I have some vacuum oil we can use as lube,” he offered.  
“No, we’ll use bungee gum.” Hisoka tapped his fingers together like a shy anime girl and concentrated for a moment.  
“I want-a your bungee cum, Hisoka-senpai,” Luigi let out a raspy moan.  
“Very well.” He began to recite, “Eighteen naked cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch!”  
“Wait a second-a, does the lube go on your-a cock or in my ass?” Luigi asked. Hisoka looked perplexed.  
“Why don’t we try both!” A lightbulb seemed to have gone off in Hisoka’s head. He proceeded to apply the invisible (to the nenless peasant Luigi) substance to both Luigi’s ready asshole and his whopping, giant, pale dick.  
“Nice-a cock, bro,” Luigi cried out in ecstasy as Hisoka penetrated him. They were locked in the sacred dance for twenty whole minutes- more than enough time for someone to speedrun Mario 64. It seemed like a beautiful escapade in another dimension that Luigi desperately wanted to stay in, his shame strewn on the floor with his gloves. It was over way too soon, as the two men climaxed together, covering the living room floor in the juices of their mutual satisfaction. Hisoka backed out of Luigi’s rectum like a car backing out of a bank parking lot after a robbery. Luigi collapsed in a heap, panting, satisfied, and completely WRECKT 😎. Beads of sweat covered his mustache, which Hisoka knelt down and licked off in a final display of dominance.  
He stood up, wrapped the garden hoses back around himself, and began to walk towards the front door when Luigi shouted, “Aren’t we supposed to cuddle after I clean the cum out of my ass?”  
Hisoka laughed. “Luigi, darling, I kill people. Do you know what you’re asking?” He spoke in the tone of a mother who has said ‘I’m not mad, just disappointed.’ Luigi was a pathetic, quivering bottom, but he had a pure heart and an aching need for human touch. He needed it more than cum, more than air and food. Hisoka sighed again, pivoted on his heel, and picked the taller man up, bridal style, as if he weighed nothing. He set the yearning man back on the couch and sat next to him. Luigi placed his arm around Hisoka’s tiny fucking supermodel waist of his own volition this time and leaned his head on his shoulder. Their lips met for the first time since their initial contact, igniting the deep desire within Luigi- to love and be loved. He rested his head against Hisoka’s chest and took his hat off, allowing the clown to run his perfect hands through his sweaty hair.  
“Do you want to watch Sword Art Online?” Luigi looked up at Hisoka like a begging puppy.  
“You know what, fuck you, that’s where I draw the line! I’m leaving, go beg your sugar daddy to watch that bullshit with you!” Luigi had never heard the cool, calculated clown yell before. It shook him to his bones.  
“B-But…” Luigi stuttered, heartbroken.  
“I regret turning you inside out like a cheap plastic cup. Goodbye, and never curse my presence with your disgusting taste ever again!” With that, he gathered up the rest of his clothing and slammed the front door with a resounding bang. The beautiful, ethereal clown had vanished from Luigi’s life as deftly and effortlessly as he’d entered, leaving a long shadow and a gaping hole in Luigi’s heart. Luigi donned his gloves and hat again, as well as his shame. He spent the rest of his night cleaning the semen off the floor and couch with intermittent sobbing fits interrupting the process by wracking his mind and body completely. Just one night had elevated Luigi’s spirits above the moon and stars and sent them plummeting into the depths of the sea without so much as a warning.  
When the professor returned and asked what he had done that night, he falsely claimed he’d spent it jerking it to Asuna x Kirito hentai. He promised himself that he’d bear his pain alone and take the sorrow and guilt to his grave, no matter how heavily it weighed upon him. Every time his ass felt sore for a while, he was reminded of that night. He no longer feared sexy clowns. He feared, above all else, heartbreak.


End file.
